A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
