Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
