Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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