What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
