No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
