I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
