didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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