remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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