well I can't set my house on fire every night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
