toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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