i think my tv is drunk
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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