we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
