$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
