you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
