You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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