Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
