oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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