drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
