this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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