Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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