I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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