I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
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is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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