I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
as a side note pls kill me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
