What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
