I think im going to throw up on grandma
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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