I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
