In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Holy shit dude........stairs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
