blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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