My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
