I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
