If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
