I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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