I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize