i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
