I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need a beard to bite.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
