drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
