He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
