it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
