Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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