You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
