Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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