guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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