In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
