I checked into jail on foursquare
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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