sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
