Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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