I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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