Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
foreskin is a definite game changer
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
