Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
