a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
