he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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