I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
