somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
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i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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