I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
