ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
