I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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