We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
